Thursday, February 27, 2014

To tell or not to tell..that is the question

7 weeks in
The question on my mind is who and when to announce our pregnancy. At 7 weeks our little one is not yet the size of a blueberry, although I am feeling it full-on. Nausea and queasiness are daily occurrences, today being one of those days I'm feeling it all day long. When Bunny nurses it is quite intense as my nipples are sore and the longer she goes in between nursing the more painful it is. But once she starts in, relief comes quickly. I am determined to allow her to decide when she is done with our breastfeeding journey. Especially now that we are adding another to our family. I want her to feel comforted and secure in whatever way she needs.
Off track a bit - we told family of course and I've share with a few running buddies, knowing they'll look out for me on our runs (although I'm leaning more toward walking through this pregnancy as well). And last night I shared with my bible study group, knowing they've been praying that God would bless us with another child. They were the most excited by far and it was such a blessing to have such dear friends celebrate with exclamations and tears.
Being this early on it does make me a bit nervous to share, and yet we're so excited and even if something happens and we lose the baby, I don't want to go through it alone.
I read that whoever and how many you tell in the first trimester, you should be comfortable informing those same people if the pregnancy ends.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Decisions Decisions

Confirmed lentil bean status - 6 weeks in, 34 (or so) to go!
Today we decided to announce our pregnancy to family members - this included parents and siblings. Hooray! What a relief to share this blessed news with loved ones! Now I can actually talk to a few people about our excitement, how queasy I feel, and so on.
Today was also a big day in that we discussed whether we want a hospital or home birth - Yowza! BIG DECISIONS! Being our last [planned] pregnancy and birth, this is pretty big deal and our last shot. We are both very open to the idea of a home birth, but also nervous. We like the idea, but there are plenty of questions and uncertainties that come with it. The biggest being - what happens in an emergency?!
We're looking into it anyways...
Our first birthing experience was pretty incredible and smooth with zero complications. However there were those annoyances and things we didn't want that had to happen because we gave birth at the hospital. They insisted I have an IV - yuck! Which led to swollen "cankles" afterwards that made me cry (hormones). And there was the nurse when we were first admitted that totally disturbed my focus, insisting that "I" had to be the one to answer a gazillion questions that I had already answered when I pre-registered. Thankfully that woman's shift was almost over and we then had a God-send of a nurse named Toby who helped more than anyone for me to have the natural birth that I wanted.
But there were those other nurses that questioned whether my doctor would "allow" me to deliver the baby in the squatting position that felt most comfortable to me. Crazy ladies. I. didn't. care.
And that silliness of trying to keep that waistband around me to monitor baby's heartbeat while I was moving around, changing positions, trying to twist around in that tangled mess of an IV cord...ah yes. Those memories were not ideal.
The concept of going into labor and not having to worry about traveling anywhere, being able to eat and drink what I want when I want, sleep in my comfortable bed or couch or wherever I feel like it, move around in positions that feel comfortable to me - whether on a giant exercise ball, in a tub, or wherever, and give birth myself, pulling out my baby with my own two hands, having loved ones around me, with the lights on or off, music I want...yep. That sounds good to me! Oh! And in my own comfortable clothes!
Yes there are questions that need to be answered. We'll find out soon enough! Yes, we may end up choosing another hospital birth - annoyances and all, but we'll see!
Other than that I'm feeling about the same. Slept better last night. Trying to decide whether to fore-go my upcoming half-marathon or not. *Sigh* Another decision!

Friday, February 21, 2014

Sesame Seed vs. Lentil

Day 43
I've decided that I'd like to document my experience through this round and hope to look back and appreciate the season, though it may have unpleasantries in the midst.
This morning revealed the second positive after yesterday morning. These coupled with all I am experiencing confirms that I am definitely growing a seed, though the size is debatable. One website ensures 5 weeks, the size of a sesame seed, while another says 6 - the size of a lentil. That is pretty big difference if you check them out! (that teeny tiny white speck in her hand? that is a sesame seed)

Either way I am excited to read about and revisit these feelings, even more aware since the last time as I kind of know what to expect and definitely understand my body more. Last week, on Monday and Tuesday I had some brown spots, which I assumed was my cycle starting, but then stopped. That's weird! But now that I read back it turns out that it was more likely implantation! And a strong one at that - you strong little seed!
This past weekend I was so tired every night, feeling like an old lady wanting to be in bed before 8pm. I skipped out on my Sunday morning long run (oops!) but so appreciated the sleeping in!
Follow that by my bought of dizziness the last few nights coupled with an unsettled stomach and soreness when Bunny nurses and ta-da! We plunked down the over $15 (what!?! I know! so pricey, but they've really got us! what else are we supposed to do?) and risked the potential disappointment of another negative month.
But nope! Two positives, insomnia (which is how I'm miraculously finding time to blog!), queasiness, dizziness, some cramping - ah. The sensations of a first trimester are strong with this one.
But all in all these signs are AWESOME! Just confirms that I'm growing a human and all is well! These are good, even though they
That said, we haven't told anyone! Yesterday was seriously the longest day of my life - not telling my sister, my family, my friends who I saw yesterday! I just want to shout it from the rooftops! Even my hubby wanted to tell his friends at work (and he's not an open-share kind of guy!). We are just totally stoked and totally freaking out at the same time. That feeling of what have we done!? is there for sure.
Adding another person to our family is a crazy big step - it's going to be a life-changer for our daughter. But I want her to feel that this is hers to grow into and celebrate with us. As much as I want to share about how little seed is growing with my husband, I need to share with her.
So we watched a little video yesterday about the egg being fertilized and implanting and what little seed looks like right now. We got out a sesame seed and she held it and we talked about it. I wasn't sure what all she would "get" as a child with only 30 months experience in this world, but last night as we laid in bed and she was having her milkies before we said goodnight, she starting rubbing my stomach and talking to her little sister or brother inside. She knows someone is in there, growing, and will one day come out.
Most likely before Halloween. To which she is considering whether she and little seed will be Rapunzel and Pascal, or Queen Elsa and Olaf....choices choices.

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! What an answer to our prayers - God is so good always. And we are so loved. Always.