I've decided that I'd like to document my experience through this round and hope to look back and appreciate the season, though it may have unpleasantries in the midst.
This morning revealed the second positive after yesterday morning. These coupled with all I am experiencing confirms that I am definitely growing a seed, though the size is debatable. One website ensures 5 weeks, the size of a sesame seed, while another says 6 - the size of a lentil. That is pretty big difference if you check them out! (that teeny tiny white speck in her hand? that is a sesame seed)
This past weekend I was so tired every night, feeling like an old lady wanting to be in bed before 8pm. I skipped out on my Sunday morning long run (oops!) but so appreciated the sleeping in!
Follow that by my bought of dizziness the last few nights coupled with an unsettled stomach and soreness when Bunny nurses and ta-da! We plunked down the over $15 (what!?! I know! so pricey, but they've really got us! what else are we supposed to do?) and risked the potential disappointment of another negative month.
But nope! Two positives, insomnia (which is how I'm miraculously finding time to blog!), queasiness, dizziness, some cramping - ah. The sensations of a first trimester are strong with this one.
But all in all these signs are AWESOME! Just confirms that I'm growing a human and all is well! These are good, even though they feel...off.
That said, we haven't told anyone! Yesterday was seriously the longest day of my life - not telling my sister, my family, my friends who I saw yesterday! I just want to shout it from the rooftops! Even my hubby wanted to tell his friends at work (and he's not an open-share kind of guy!). We are just totally stoked and totally freaking out at the same time. That feeling of what have we done!? is there for sure.
Adding another person to our family is a crazy big step - it's going to be a life-changer for our daughter. But I want her to feel that this is hers to grow into and celebrate with us. As much as I want to share about how little seed is growing with my husband, I need to share with her.
So we watched a little video yesterday about the egg being fertilized and implanting and what little seed looks like right now. We got out a sesame seed and she held it and we talked about it. I wasn't sure what all she would "get" as a child with only 30 months experience in this world, but last night as we laid in bed and she was having her milkies before we said goodnight, she starting rubbing my stomach and talking to her little sister or brother inside. She knows someone is in there, growing, and will one day come out.
Most likely before Halloween. To which she is considering whether she and little seed will be Rapunzel and Pascal, or Queen Elsa and Olaf....choices choices.
Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow! What an answer to our prayers - God is so good always. And we are so loved. Always.